howness

I cannot write this.

I am just too hot for words. No, I am just too lost for words. That is why I cannot write this. I am just not sure how to write this. But let me give you a quick summary to my life so far:


failing all of my classes

still unemployed

broke around seven phones

still without phone

dirty room

eating garbage each day

need hair cut

have no friends

lost in head

feeling suicidal

bike pedal broke

bad bike brakes

dinosaur laptop eats me

i eat at homeless shelters

i became bitter in life

i do not pray or anything spiritual any more

(that is actually a lie, i do pray, but.......)

everything is falling apart

and still failing classes

still failing life

lost in head

lost in world

going insane

but i am still oatmeal

but i just wish i had purpose



I just wish that I could live up to my name.

And school is just too hard and meaningless. It would be easier if I was helping other people do school but it is hard to help self especially when computer dies on you and takes hours for just a page to load up and it costs so much money.



I wish that I could just be reborn and make some friends in life and show them that I am not as negative or as lost as this current post is.

I just want to go caroling.

I want to be Christmas to people.



And there are so many things I want to do for the world. But I am totally lost to how to do it. That is all I need. I just need some howness.



some howness please